Getting to Know Him — Somewhere Between Here and There excerpt
In July 2020, I published a book. It was a pandemic project that kept me busy and sane while being by myself for most of that time. It’s a loose memoir, a series of reflective essays on life and faith. I wanted to share an excerpt from the first chapter where I talk about what it means to me to get to know God.
If you’re interested and want to read more, I invite you to purchase the ebook. I appreciate your support!
Getting to Know Him — Excerpt
It’s so fine and yet so terrible to stand in front of a blank canvas.
Paul Cezanne
I wanted to be a ballerina. As a child, I was fascinated by the neat buns, the shoes, the gracefulness of even the static positions. Being naturally curious and eager to learn, I’d constantly check out this soft pink and white ballet book from my school library. In the privacy of my room, I’d practice the positions, moving from first to second position, and so on. I felt nimble and graceful.
But oh, how I wanted a tutu. To me, it was the epitome of grace, the undeniable marker of a ballerina. I would see them in Target or Walmart, and I’d gaze longingly at the pale pink, purple, and white tutus and the soft leotards. But I thought my dream was frivolous, not worthy of my parents’ involvement, so I never told them about it. I silently held on to my dream by practicing alone.
Almost two whole decades later, I’m living in my own apartment, and I discover a local ballet school offering beginners classes. Enrolling for the introductory class was I kid you not, one of the best moments of my adult life so far. Even just going into the dance store and buying two sets of ballet clothes and the shoes brought a feeling of exhilaration long tamped down by my childhood assumptions. But it was nothing compared to being in a class with a master ballerina, several other students, a barre, and a mirrored studio. My dream had come true, albeit in a tiny way.
I told my mom about how excited I was to take this class and how I had always wanted to be a ballerina, and she was surprised!
“I didn’t know you wanted to be a ballerina! Why didn’t you say anything?”
“For some reason I thought we couldn’t afford it or you wouldn’t support it.”
“That’s not true, we would’ve gladly let you take ballet classes if you had asked!”
James 4:2 immediately came to mind: “We receive not because we ask not”. As minor as that dream was, I was sad at the fact that I missed out on such a pleasure just because I was too afraid to ask. Additionally, I misjudged my parents, thinking they couldn’t or wouldn’t help me do something I loved.
God has so much more for me than becoming a ballerina, and He has infinitely more resources than my parents. Yet, I even limit and misjudge Him by not even asking! I wondered, do I even know Him well enough to boldly ask for anything?
When I think about the place that God has in my life, I sometimes think of Him as part of a list. He’s first and foremost, above family, friends, work, play.
Or I’ll think of a pie chart where God is 80% of my life with the remaining 20% reserved for everything else. Maybe 75/25? Although if I’m being honest, most days it feels like 20/80.
Or maybe it’s more like an orbit with God as the sun and everything else is in orbit around Him. Some parts of my life might have a stronger or weaker connection with God but they’re all orbiting because of Him.
Honestly, I don’t think these tell the whole story of how God wants to be in our lives. In my mind, God is so much bigger than a priority list; He wants more than a piece of my life.
He wants to be involved, completely.
I heard the following analogy from Dr. Darlye Innocent, a good friend of mine, during a talk she was giving to us as college students.
She compared life to a blank canvas. As we go through life, textures and colors are added to it, representing milestones and events and values all working together to create a unique piece of art. It is colorful, textured, and raw. Imagine that one color, maybe red, is your family, and it shows up in bold strokes throughout the painting, showing how important they are to you. That rough, sandy texture in the lower right hand corner is the depressive episode you had as a teenager. It’s much smaller than it was at fifteen, but it still affects parts of your life today. As the piece is covered with more color and media to represent different areas of your life, it becomes dynamic and ever changing.
I fully expected Darlye to say that God was a special paint that you could only get from a specific place. Or else a material so valuable and beautiful that it couldn’t represent anything else but God. I kept racking my brain to decipher where on earth God could be in this analogy. There almost seemed to be no space for Him as this hypothetical canvas filled up.
Then she concluded, “And God, He’s the canvas.”
My eyes widened and I gasped. It was the last thing I thought of, yet it made perfect sense.
God can’t be relegated to a single color or texture or medium. Of course, He is the very reason for the painting’s existence. He’s the support. What’s really fascinating is that even if the canvas is completely covered in all sorts of media, its presence is still known. The canvas is still a part of the painting, completely intertwined with it.
That is how God wants to be involved with me. Not as a part, but completely enmeshed in my daily life so that everything I do reveals and reflects Him. With that kind of intimacy, I won’t try to hold Him back. There’d be no limits to what I’d ask Him. Nothing that would be hidden.
That’s the kind of relationship I want with God, and honestly, it’s hard. It’s difficult enough to connect with another person on such a deep level let alone with Someone who is invisible.
Excerpt From
Somewhere Between Here and There
Copyright 2020 by Kira Street. All rights reserved
Book summary
Everyone has a story.
We live life, make mistakes, and learn from them (sometimes, anyways).
We ride on spiritual highs, thinking nothing can bring us down. Or we’re brought so low that we end up looking to God and shouting, “Why?!”. Or we’re like Jacob, wrestling with God for hours, not understanding our experience, yet not wanting to let go of Him until we get answers.
Somewhere Between Here and There is a collection of essays from the author’s life, reflecting on these diverse experiences with God and sharing how she has applied the biblical lessons she’s learned along the way. She shares amusing anecdotes, heart-breaking experiences, and joyful epiphanies, highlighting the constant wrestling and progress in her spiritual life.
This is the middle of a relationship, between knowing about God and knowing God. It is a journey that is growing more complete, day by day.
If you liked what you read, I invite you to purchase the ebook. I appreciate your support!
